MAXIMUM RIDE TOYS
by dyslexic-Carmie
Summary: Random products for Maximum Ride. That will make you laugh. Send in your ideas in a review.
1. Total

**Disclaimer: I own what I own and it's not Maximum Ride.**

Once upon a time in a _Maximum Ride_ fanfic the writer forgot to mention Total. In fact, a lot of writers forget about Total. One day Total got mad and sued us. So we decided to give him his very own Action Figure…

Behold the **Total Totally Awesome Action Figure of Action Figureness!** The Total action figure is so _awesome_ it makes the awesome people of Awesome Town (which happens to be next to the awesome lake behind Chuck Norris' house in Awesome Country on the awesome continent next to the awesome ocean on awesome planet in awesome galaxy) look lame! _(*well, all of them except Chuck Norris)._

The Total action figure stands at 37 feet , 9 inches, 1 cm, and 1.348 x 10.6 picometers and will touch your second story window! The Total action figure is light and portable at a weight that will probably not break your bathroom scale, dent your floor, and cause you to sue us! And it even barks- just like the real Total! You'll be stunned when it even meows, staying faithfully true to Total's non-talking abilities!

The Total action Figure even walks, wags his low maintenance tail (made of genuine hamster fur and guaranteed to perhaps possibly certainly not break off), and does the bunny hop and the Macarena while smashing 17 cars per minute!

Everybody loves the Total Totally Awesome Action Figure! Here are some reviews from our incredibly satisfied customers:

"The Total action figure ruined my life! Why would you make such a thing? WHY WOULD YOU??!!" says Fang, crying while rolled up in a little ball.

"Max says I can't have the Total Action Figure because it's too big to carry!" cries Angel. "I want the Total Action Figure! I want it! I want it! I want it!" she screams. (She then reportedly had a temper tantrum and rolled on the floor, kicking and screaming.)

"The total action figure caused me to break out in hives," cries Iggy. "Look at my face! I used to be beautiful! Why me? Why ?!" he says, pulling off a paper bag to reveal an ugly face that looks quite like the Quaker oatmeal guy's- if he stuck his head in a blender. "Curse the Total Action Figure for ruining my face!!!"

"The Total action figure makes me look bad. It smells way worse than me!" complains the Gasman, while trying to get a skunk to spray him to earn his title back.

"The Total action figure stepped on Nudge and killed her!" says Max, dancing around happily.

…If the Total action figure makes these losers happy, then it will make you happy!!!

Buy the **Total Totally Awesome Action Figure** now! It's only 2399.99, payable in 14.6 easy installments! (***Note- all payments must be made in 1932 wheat pennies, or with any credit card not including Visa, Discover, Master Card, American Express, or any that is made of plastic and has any numbers on it. Not responsible for loss of limbs.)

BUY IT NOW!!!!!!

**A/N**

**I know it was random but I felt bad about forgetting Total in my first fanfic for Maximum Ride. R/R I don't think I will make any more fanfics this random. Oh well it was fun to write. REVIEW, and I will only make more Action Figures if I feel like it. Get, Got, Good.**


	2. the Voice

**A/N: HI. I finally woke up from my fan fiction hibernation!**

Do YOU want your VERY OWN EXTREEEEME VOICE…next to your head (apparently it's illegal to put it IN your head )…just like THE MAAAAXIMUM RIIIIIIIIIIDUH?!!! Well, NOW, you (as in, YOU!!! That's right, YOU!!! Not your Chinese brother Yu, YOOOU!!!) CAAAAAANNN!!

It's the new and improved (improved, as in, there wasn't a product before and now there is…) VOICE! BOX! FOR YO HEEEEAAAD!!! It tells you…THINGS- things to make you happy, things to make you sad, things to make you hungry, things that make you want to buy all our OTHER products!!!...all at the touch of a button! That's right! Just ONE BUTTON is all it takes for all-day entertainment! Uno buttonio!

The VOICE BOX! comes ready for action with your choice of THRRRREEE different accents: Jamaica mon, DARTH VADER, and-for a limited time only- THE ACTUAL VOICE! If you're in AP classes, and you can carry a backpack, then YOU can carry our ULTRA LIGHT (cough...728723.4 kg…cough, cough!) VOICE BOX!

The VOICE BOX! gives you caring, helpful advice that you can use for your pep-and-go, perky lifestyle! Here are some of our satisfied customers:

Ben Dover: OH MY GOOOSH!!! A HURRICANE IS COMING!!! (pushes voice button)

Voice: _The sky is blue, so WHY are you?!! _

B.D.: IT'S NOT RIGHT NOW!!!

Now, our next satisfied customer!

Spammy: OH MY GOOOSH!!! I JUST CHOPPED OFF MY ENTIRE LEG!!!!! (pushes voice button)

Voice: _Heeeead and shoulders, knees and toes, kneeees and toes! Head and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes! Why be blue; you STILL HAVE ALL OF THOSE!!! Heeead and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes!_

Spammy: I DON'T HAVE THEM NOW!!!

So what are you waiting for??!! You can get the VOICE BOX for 8 semi-easy payments of ONNNLY $44.92!!! Imitation products go for over $80 dollars each! Talk about a bad deal!

So order the VOICE BOX!!! NOOOOOOW!!!

"_Orrrrder the VOICE BOX it is BOX-Y! It will make you super FOX-Y" _

**A/N**

**Thank You Nicole, for editing and helping. Don't forget to review my friends. And Spammy is in most of my stories.**


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